My Love Letters
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These are Love letters i received from people who I beleive really loved me once, or maybe they do or not even now..i dont know..but they touched me deeply in ways i cannot explain. I have ommited names to respect their privacy. I treasure them alot and want to share this "love" that came in various forms...and words..and sometimes verses... Letters may come and go... but, love doesnt come your way everyday...

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Location: Male', Kaafu Atoll, Maldives


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gomakasthoori@hotmail.com

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Friday, August 05, 2005

Be Brave, My Love...

Dear Susan,

I know that you are very busy these days. I try very hard not to upset you by sending you instant messages. But I always do. I am a bit slow in my mind to understand that for once this is not about me. Instead my presence here, waiting for you reminds you of the people, places and things that you would have loved being with instead of what you are doing now. I had a very limited time to make your acquaintance and win your trust. Perhaps for this reason you would not find anymore conviction to trust me than you would trust the people you have been with earlier and then left you. Yes, you have no reason at all. But then again, why do I have so much faith in you? Why do I feel that I can never leave your side for one moment? I cannot Susan. I love you more than myself to let go of you or to impose on yourself my notion of what is right for you.

We make decisions Susan. Some of which we have control to undo at a later point in time. But for the things which we cannot make amends for after completion, we have to accept our responsibility and rationalise the loss and hardship that it brings by reminding ourselves of the causes that drove us into making them. When you left behind everything you loved and cherished, you did it for two reasons. First reason is to save your family and loved ones from the grief of having to know that you would be held captive and subjected to all sorts of torture and abuse. Second of all it people who are dumb founded by their own ignorance and misinformation. Susan, what you did was perfectly right. Who else would leave everyone she loved, her parents and family in order to save them from falling into heartbreaking grief? What does it take to estrange you in an unfamiliar place with strangers, threats and fatal dangers? Why does it drive you Susan- you who have got nothing back from life- to the point of risking the very little you have, just so that other people can get more from life?
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Cry, my love. Grieve for yourself and honour your courage and passion. This is the Susan I love. This is the Susan in you that I have always loved, would like to hold and be humble to be kissed by. This is the Susan for whom will never leave her side even if I pay the very small price of my life. It is not enough to buy you the honour and redemption that you seek from life. But Susan, I am one. Only one. I know I have very little to offer you, but I do pray to God that it makes a difference. If you truly love me, please do not give up. I cannot live to see the light of day knowing that you have ceased to be at the hands of the cruel fate and the wicked people that this world is full of. Susan, I am not one of them. I am you.

Susan, you were right the other night. I will regret to know if something were to happen to you. And so there are others.Would you leave your father and mother to regret? Would you leave them in constant grief and sorrow? I will not be selfish by talking about my loss. It would be much greater, but less than that of your mother and father who are the persons who have given you the love that I cannot even if I live more than one life time over. But I feel your loss. All I can offer to you now is my plea. Be brave my love. You have someone to love you in your sleep and wake, your life and death, and your existence and cessation. This it what makes life beautiful Susan. People like you make others happy beyond all feelings and emotions and we do see it through our grief and tears. You can give people what no one else can. The recognition that you lack of now has to be filled by tears, grief and terror. Susan, this is what life gives you.the burden, the gift, the courage and passion of selflessness. Man is seldom able to carry it. But you are.

I am sorry for bothering you and refusing to leave you. But I shall be true to my word. You will always have me to love you and care for you. Perhaps others have made the same offer and they can give you more than I ever can. It is your decision to make retrospectively like the ones you have done before. Yet it will not for a moment, make a difference in the way I feel about you. You will always be loved. But for now, it is imperative that you live up to your past decisions and you will live and thrive in success and get repaid. By then, life in itself for me, for your loved ones and those who are filled with apathy and hatred, will be freed from a great debt they owe to you.

I shall wait for you until you are free, my love. Please do not think wrong of yourself for not answering my messages. I would understand. I would respect it and I would never stop loving you.

I love you Susan

Yours truly,

A young shepherd boy