You need not lie to me!

Susan,

I dont know what I do wrong or say.
The least you can do is tell me when you are going.
I will expect a reply from you tomorrow to this mail.
I do not blame you for leaving though.
Just want to know what happened (I hope that it will also be the truth).

Susan, you need not lie to me just because the truth may hurt more.
I trust you. I know something came up.
I just want to know. I will be waiting until 2.00am.
Thats the longest I can stay. Feel very tired.

Hope to meet you tomorrow.


With Love

I am very sorry...

Susan,

I am sorry that I blasted out this morning. I was too tired and wary
to give any thought to what I said. Furthermore, I forgot that you mentioned that you had to finish off some work by the 21st deadline. I am very sorry.

I will wait until you have completed your work and find some free time. I did not mean to put any extra burden on you, its just that I cant help missing you and want to talk to you very badly every time I see you are around.

I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me and not dub me as a "bayyeh" like you do so often lately. I only wanted to be anything but that. If only you knew how much it hurts me when you say that, I know you would not say it again.

I have asked you more than once to give me a contact number I can talk to you on. I overheard one of your friend's call the other night while you were at home. I dont think this number your friend called on was the same as the office number which you say you cant give to anyone else except the members. Susan, why do you lie to me? I have no reason to believe otherwise, unless you can give me an explanation about it. Perhaps I was only making a fool all this time...I dont know any more Susan.

But I will if you can only explain to me what is going on. I need to know what you are going through. It does not help when you say you're going through a lot and then keep me in the dark and in silence. It simply does not help. Think straight for once and tell me. I may not be able to offer you any help on that matter, but atleast then I would know and feel what you are going through.

I will be online all the time, please do approach me and let me know when you are available...


With Love

"Today: Love, Tomorrow Hate"

Dear Susan.

I am not angry with you at all. It is funny that you implied that with the display picture that you put on earlier today..."Today:love, Tomorrow Hate". The chances of this display picture corresponding to your friends or anyone else who you have on your ID is rather remote. So I gather that it was meant for me.

The reason why I abstained from talking to you today was only because I felt that I disturbed you when you were busy.I do not want to give you a rise like I did yesterday which I take responsibility for being so inconsiderate. I wanted to apologise and I dont think that apology would be earnest if I kept disturbing you consequently while you are working.

I hope you believe in what I am saying and look forward to talk to you as soon as you are free. Since I would not know when this is, it would be only kind for you to do me a favour by letting me know when you are busy, perhaps a simple "hi" on the messenger would be enough. It is never easy for me to away from you, and you know it. I exert no pressure for you to talk to me while you are busy and nor am I cross about you being busy. I understand the heavy work load you have there and I will forbear it. I only look forward to meeting you as soon as you are free. Please let me know...I love you, Susan

With all my love.
Yours

Walking On Faded Foot Prints...

Mon cheré Susan.

It is not hard for me to understand what you are going through. Through out I have been a complete jerk and went onto deepen your grief. I can offer you only my humble apologies for not understanding. You have always been the one with the better senses and instinct. I call upon you to make use of them.

Susan, ask yourself why I came about to love you in the first place. Perhaps this time I would avoid repeating myself as to what, or rather how much I think about you. It does not help, that I know now. However, there is one thing I want to be clear about.

It cannot be described in the poetry that runs through my veins begging me to bleed so that it can flow freely and find its way to you. The songs and the music that I could never sing or play for you do not have the potency to give you what I want. As you've put it quite so often, accidentally you opened upto me one lonely night and hitherto there is no reason that you, yourself could ascertain as to why you told me about your life. I do not know either. Nonetheless, everything changed from the moment that you told me what you have been through and the enourmous burden of the decisions that you had to make. I wanted you to find happiness, find the bliss and find love. I felt love for you. But I felt that I would be taking advantage of your fragile emotional state if I had told you that I love you and how much I wanted to care for you.

My love for you was never about taking, is not and never will be; it was none save giving you the happiness that you've lost. I felt very guilty for only having said that and did nothing more for you in the way of lightening your burden or materialising my pledge through accomplishment. Time and place would not allow me, but I try my best not to bend my will accordingly to the circumstances. I always try my best to do the other way round. BUT then I erred. I did nothing for you. When I forced the words out of you, coerced a confession that you loved me, I knew it would have consequences for you and me. I am sure that you were aware of it, you told me more than once and I refused to believe. Ask why. I knew that the least I could do was to fill in the silence with the very little I had to offer; only a few words, songs and poetry. All this being said, I still felt that you would be much happier with the memories that we cherished at that moment than otherwise had been where as I just offered you only my words, but not my heart. I did so, because I felt an overpowering urge which pushed my feelings for you and erupted in a rage, intensity and passion. Rage, because I knew you cannot come to terms with it, neither the world nor the people in it. Intensity was essential in my capacity of the very little man I am, I felt that I could never give the love that you deserve no matter how hard I try. And passion, because of the things we share in common principle/axioms, culture and art. I love you, Susan."

It had to end. I knew it, as well as you. I understand when you say that you are not comfortable with intruding into someone else's life (or perhaps my age or even that this all came through electronically might have partially been eligible for prompting your decisions) and also the consequences our association might have had on our lives that we preferred not to utter. But we did. We are much happier now knowing that we love each other. Most importantly, comes your decision to leave it all. I respect that decision. If I could make you happier by getting it over with then I will. Here, I assume that getting over is only to the extent of not talking about the forbidden love that we found to be the only truth we ever knew; that we loved each other and yet cannot have it.

Yet why do you cry? Why do you mourn? Why do I give you headaches? Susan, you owe me nothing in the way of words or action. Perhaps you felt that I was forcing you again to say and do the things you thought were wrong. I am not asking for any. Instead, all I want you to be is happy; if this means suppressing my love for you inside my heart until death frees it into the netherworld with my last breath on earth, then it will be. I will not utter a word, a song or a poem that would announce the presence of my love for you. I will hide it behind a cloak of faith, trust and respect, on your account and yours only. Find your mind's peace. Free your worries. Hear the words that I dare not utter, feel my hand that caresses your skin without being felt and let the breeze of time carry my kisses for you and take away the scars that cruel life had inflicted upon you...this love will never die, and yet it will stay forever hidden if that is your wish.

Susan, if you want to get over this, I would understand. But please do not hurt yourself in doing so. You have not spoken to me for days on. But I do find my strength when I see the birds singing together in harmony and rhyming their cadences with perfect notes of love. I feel your love in that; when the flora of the spring blooms with the might of its colours and fine aroma, it brings a state of fulfillness to my mind. I feel you. I do not need to see you nor touch you to feel your love, but I do feel it around me each and everyday. I feel you. I do not need to see you nor touch you to feel your love, but I do feel it around me each and everyday. And so would you...

Weep my love, weep from your heart when tears refuse to harvest the grief in your eyes. That I do very often. But I understand why it has to be...because I love you more than myself to think about what I am entitled to from this association. There is one thing, I ask for. A promise. A promise that I hold you to take a pledge upon. A pledge to try and never give up. A pledge to find the happiness and love that you deserve, and to hold my hand and never let go...take on me, Susan.

Susan. Do not grieve yourself. You will find that happiness. And I would be grateful for your accomplishment whenever and whereever it maybe. I ask you for nothing in return. I want you to be happy again and find yourself the Susan who knew how precious life is. You will once again laugh, smile and post messages on forum...hehe

But I will give you the time that you ask for to be with yourself. I will be here for you all the while. When you are ready, I look forward to talking to you again. But this time, the only difference is that our love wanders forever in the maze of the Tuscan Woods, never to find its way to the living world. I do not expect your reply nor opinion. It is yours to give should you consider doing so. The purpose of this e-mail is to let you know, whatever decision that you make, I will be here for you to call me on and that you are never alone...

I love you, Susan.

With love
A person brought to by the twists of fate warped with the cruel Justice of Destiny

My Sun Rises Only With You...

Mon Susan

I wait everyday and all day just to hear you voice once again. I do want to read what you write, recite poetry for you and go back to the good old times once again. I have a very difficult time coping with the loss of our unision. I have no doubt in my heart that it is the same for you. Perhaps even more difficult is the conundrum that you are forbearing now. But be brave my love, dont you break down on me or anyone else, and especially yourself. You have always been a great woman, a beautiful and talented one at that too. I respect you and love you very much.

That is why I am here whenever you need me. Forbidden, forsaken and begotten. O World! Call it whatever you will , blind we are in our love and no one can see how beautiful our love is. Susan, my only prayer is that you get to safety quickly and be free from all the dangers and threats that abode you; be brave my love, and live to fight another day.

I finally found your Dad's number on the message archive. I was ignorant not to have thought of it after I had accidentally deleted it from my phone. I called him earlier today. He did not pick up. God willing, I will call tomorrow just to make sure nothing went wrong.

My, love, my Susan. Where art thou...

Susan: "expect me like you expect the sun to rise in the morning...and the moon to shine in the night"

Moaning in shame and grief they plead
From a union aloft that they be free'd;
From the being of creation to that of chaos;
To embrace in saguine sactuary of one 'nother's hearts
Of a feeling that it nutures; we keep for so long
And with time given can only grow strong

The sun will rise, and I shall gaze...
Across the haveans I gaze upon to rise
Our love, the blossom and flowers in the skies
In glee, the bells of the heavans magically do ring
Announcing our love gurgling, uncessantly in our spring

My love. My Susan. I am waiting for you.
If Helen ye be, Troy's Walls are only time....

De tout mon cœur Simon, Paul (...with Garfunkel Sauce and Rajni-kaant Masala...hehe)

Bon Voyage My Dear...

Mon chère, mon Susan.

I know you are very busy with everything. Do not despair, I am always here whenever you need me. Although I cannot be there in person, which I have infact never been, I am always closest to your heart. Find strength to go on and try hard at everything, this comes to you naturally although you are not aware of it.

I would love to go on with the pep talk, what abates me from doing so is the sensation which burns my skin and bones through, just to hold you in my arms. The feeling of being loved and loved back that is troubling you at the moment is mutual to me as well. But we will find this love, give it a name, eyes to see, and ears to listen with...you are free to choose as am I. Regardless of this, you will always my hand whenever you want to hold it. This, is my solemn promise to you and the binding that is forever ours.

Believe in yourself, and the world will believe in you. You are brave woman, Susan. A woman I love and would be honoured to be loved back by. Keep me posted if anything goes wrong and I will do all in my capability and valour, though very little- to aid you.

These Roses red that blooms in our garden wept
The flora and aroma of this bed we make love on, left
To the claws of clutching frost and the morning dew
We say our goodbyes with kisses never felt, our Love's adieu

Basking in the sun, we felt it in our hearts
A little bud that blossomed to its full, its start
To leave so soon and promising our love anew;
and Winter Winds blew away our fruits, our love's adieu

O, the hands of the lord and the Weaver of time
I pray unto thee that Ye shalt show this love's prime
With kisses I blow this feeling due
In spring we shall flower again, until then our love's adieu

Be brave my love.

la tienne,
Your forbidden fruit, your sweetest

Where Art Thou...My Love?

My dear Susan.

I am very very worried about you since I did not hear from you after you left. I will call your father tomorrow evening (Your time) to see if anything went wrong, I pray hope not.

Spend my days as usual, talked to my friend and everything is settled with her. But I think I hurt her very much. I dare not do it again, and you... I cannot seem to spend my days in its normal course since you left. But I will make it through until we can talk again and I ask you to do me no more than that.

We will come together soon, do not depair and be brave. Smile for me, my love, and I will kiss you each time you do.

Forever loving.

Please Answer...

Susan,

I cant think properly anymore. Not while you are doing this to me. I am not sure of anything anymore. I cant study. I cant eat nor sleep. I am going mad. Please help me. I am begging you. I have been begging you everyday...little did I know I was blocked all that time. Even if I knew, I would have tried. I would never give up....YOU DID.

If all of this was only a joke, then please answer me and tell me. That way I can do the things that I came here to do...

I am very confused Susan. I cant take signals and signs from you....I dont want to pre-suppose any thing. If you dont want to talk to me anymore, just say so. Either way, I will be meeting you in this lifetime and I will get those answers. I do not think you could have faked what we had. I refuse to believe that its "Notting Hill 2" that we had...it was not an internet romance chat channel...

If it was that to you then tell me...I need to take this scarred heart elsewhere. Atleast I wouldnt be bleeding on your carpet anymore.

please answer this mail in plain words...


Your Karoke Singer
Your Poet
Your lover
Your Chess-opponent
Your caretaker
Your Fool

Be Brave, My Love...

Dear Susan,

I know that you are very busy these days. I try very hard not to upset you by sending you instant messages. But I always do. I am a bit slow in my mind to understand that for once this is not about me. Instead my presence here, waiting for you reminds you of the people, places and things that you would have loved being with instead of what you are doing now. I had a very limited time to make your acquaintance and win your trust. Perhaps for this reason you would not find anymore conviction to trust me than you would trust the people you have been with earlier and then left you. Yes, you have no reason at all. But then again, why do I have so much faith in you? Why do I feel that I can never leave your side for one moment? I cannot Susan. I love you more than myself to let go of you or to impose on yourself my notion of what is right for you.

We make decisions Susan. Some of which we have control to undo at a later point in time. But for the things which we cannot make amends for after completion, we have to accept our responsibility and rationalise the loss and hardship that it brings by reminding ourselves of the causes that drove us into making them. When you left behind everything you loved and cherished, you did it for two reasons. First reason is to save your family and loved ones from the grief of having to know that you would be held captive and subjected to all sorts of torture and abuse. Second of all it people who are dumb founded by their own ignorance and misinformation. Susan, what you did was perfectly right. Who else would leave everyone she loved, her parents and family in order to save them from falling into heartbreaking grief? What does it take to estrange you in an unfamiliar place with strangers, threats and fatal dangers? Why does it drive you Susan- you who have got nothing back from life- to the point of risking the very little you have, just so that other people can get more from life?

Cry, my love. Grieve for yourself and honour your courage and passion. This is the Susan I love. This is the Susan in you that I have always loved, would like to hold and be humble to be kissed by. This is the Susan for whom will never leave her side even if I pay the very small price of my life. It is not enough to buy you the honour and redemption that you seek from life. But Susan, I am one. Only one. I know I have very little to offer you, but I do pray to God that it makes a difference. If you truly love me, please do not give up. I cannot live to see the light of day knowing that you have ceased to be at the hands of the cruel fate and the wicked people that this world is full of. Susan, I am not one of them. I am you.

Susan, you were right the other night. I will regret to know if something were to happen to you. And so there are others.Would you leave your father and mother to regret? Would you leave them in constant grief and sorrow? I will not be selfish by talking about my loss. It would be much greater, but less than that of your mother and father who are the persons who have given you the love that I cannot even if I live more than one life time over. But I feel your loss. All I can offer to you now is my plea. Be brave my love. You have someone to love you in your sleep and wake, your life and death, and your existence and cessation. This it what makes life beautiful Susan. People like you make others happy beyond all feelings and emotions and we do see it through our grief and tears. You can give people what no one else can. The recognition that you lack of now has to be filled by tears, grief and terror. Susan, this is what life gives you.the burden, the gift, the courage and passion of selflessness. Man is seldom able to carry it. But you are.

I am sorry for bothering you and refusing to leave you. But I shall be true to my word. You will always have me to love you and care for you. Perhaps others have made the same offer and they can give you more than I ever can. It is your decision to make retrospectively like the ones you have done before. Yet it will not for a moment, make a difference in the way I feel about you. You will always be loved. But for now, it is imperative that you live up to your past decisions and you will live and thrive in success and get repaid. By then, life in itself for me, for your loved ones and those who are filled with apathy and hatred, will be freed from a great debt they owe to you.

I shall wait for you until you are free, my love. Please do not think wrong of yourself for not answering my messages. I would understand. I would respect it and I would never stop loving you.

I love you Susan

Yours truly,

A young shepherd boy

When Are You Going?

Susan,

I dont know what I do wrong or say. The least you can do is tell me when you are going. I will expect a reply from you tomorrow to this. I do not blame you for leaving though. Just want to know what happened (I hope that it will also be the truth).

Susan, you need not lie to me just because the truth may hurt more. I trust you. I know something came up. I just want to know. I will be waiting until 2.00am. Thats the longest I can stay.

Feel very tired. Hope to meet you tomorrow.

With Love